2023 Royal Rumble Predictions!

 

Good morning! It’s almost that time again! Time for the most wonderful premium live event of the year, the Royal Rumble! Thirty dudes and thirty ladies battling for the right to fight for a championship at the Granddaddy of them all, WrestleMania. It’s really the most exciting time to be a wrestling fan. Your brain starts to go into overdrive, fantasy booking all sorts of scenarios where your favorite wrestler somehow beats the odds and wins the match. Then the side stories arise from the rumble - eliminations lead to rivalries, and not just the winner has a story to tell now. It’s the most unpredictable time of year, despite so many of us “already knowing” who’s coming out on top. But what fun would it be to spoil that here? I’ve got some predictions below, have a look and see if you agree! Lemme know if you don’t! We’re all about engagement here at the LWSW blog. (Nobody has engaged but that’s not gonna stop me from asking, dammit.)

If you have the opportunity, check out the Rumble this weekend. It’s a good time, the Rumble matches especially, but really the whole card promises to give the Road to WrestleMania some direction.

Predictions!

I started writing this after Monday Night Raw, and I posted it on Wednesday before AEW Dynamite, but I’ll be watching SmackDown and I’ll make an update post Saturday morning if any developments happen or matches are added on that go-home show.

Women’s Royal Rumble Match

My guess - Rhea Ripley

I said it before and I’ll say it again - this is Rhea Ripley’s time. Ever since the Australian took over the Judgment Day from Edge (she’s the leader of that faction, and it’s not even close) her new direction has been fantastic. She lured Dominik Mysterio away from his dad and into a weird mami/son but also sensual relationship that’s got the internet asking her to step on all their (our) throats. Bianca Belair, current Raw women’s champ, has already expressed that Rhea is her pick for a WrestleMania opponent, and I can’t think of a better time for Rhea to take the title off Bianca and rule Monday nights with an iron fist and a gothic twist. 

If there are other possibilities for a winner, I’m not seeing them. So far the only announced entrants are Liv Morgan, Raquel Rodriguez, Candice LeRae, Shayna Baszler, Zelina Vega, and Emma. None of those names really makes me think of a Royal Rumble winner right now, although Baszler would be dope and I could maybe see WWE trying to run it back with Liv again - although I wouldn’t love that.

Men’s Royal Rumble Match

My guess - Cody Rhodes

Again, this is the safe pick - but that doesn’t make it wrong. Cody’s return at last year’s WrestleMania showed the world and the WWE that he’s ready to take the championship off Roman now (he was ready then, too, but his program with Seth Rollins was necessary to re-establish Rhodes to the WWE fans and, unfortunately, his injury happened before that feud wrapped up.) There are fifteen names already declared for the men’s Rumble, which kinda cuts down on the odds that more than a couple new or returning stars will show up. Still, I’m hoping to see Bronn Breakker from NXT (he’s the son of former WCW and WWE tag team legend Rick Steiner) and maybe a few old favorites.

One of the big rumors that’s been losing steam lately is that The Rock might show up, win the Royal Rumble, and take the championship off of our Tribal Chief (and Rocky’s cousin) Roman Reigns. Rock has implied that he doesn't think he’s physically ready for a wrestling match, and I feel like The Rock is such a big name that if they were gonna get him they would want to advertise that in advance rather than keeping him a surprise, even if the reaction to his “If ya smell…what the Rock…is cookin’” entrance might blow the roof off of the stadium.

© Roman Reigns versus Kevin Owens for the Undisputed WWE Championship

My guess - Roman retains

I am of the belief that KO and Sami Zayn will come together to take down the Bloodline by way of a Tag Team championship. Whether the undisputed tag championships held by the Usos will be broken up by ‘Mania is anyone’s guess, but I don’t think they will. I’d LOVE to see Sami and KO, united by their bond from years of friendship, win the titles only to relinquish them and continue as singles superstars. Just getting the belts, any belts, off of the Bloodline being enough would be a cool visual, even if it’s not really the point of a wrestling show.

That being said, while virtually nobody believes Owens will win here, the match itself promises to be fantastic. Some of Roman’s best title defenses (read more about those here) have come against Kevin Owens, and this one has so many story beats it could hit that I can’t imagine it not coming out ahead of their other matches together. Will Sami get involved here, or is the “final test” that Reigns mentioned on Raw the Royal Rumble itself - perhaps Roman expects Sami to win and just decline to challenge the undisputed champ?

Either way, this isn’t the time for Roman to lose, nor is it the right opponent. If WWE manages to get the Rock, Roman should hang onto the championships and run through the People’s Champion, keeping him at the head of the table until Cody burns that table down. If not, Cody winning at WrestleMania is still the right call.

© Bianca Belair versus Alexa Bliss for the Raw Women’s Championship

My guess - Belair retains

Again, it’s the wrong time and the wrong opponent. WWE doesn’t seem to know what they’re doing with Bliss, and they haven’t for a while now. She returned after a layoff as a slightly darker version of her old character, but has spiraled into a more grown up version of the Bliss that was pals with Bray Wyatt and the Fiend. That might be interesting if there was any reason for it, or if it felt like it was going somewhere. I’d like to be wrong, and with Bray competing tonight as well, maybe something will come of their relationship. Either way, I can’t see Bliss winning. Speaking of…

Bray Wyatt versus L.A. Knight (YEAUH) in a Mountain Dew © Pitch Black © Match

My guess - I don’t know what this is but probably Bray

Aside from some strong #branding, I really can’t guess as to what this might be. What I can guess is that this Bray Wyatt rivalry isn’t doing what WWE planned - it’s reverted Bray back to his worst, most directionless and meandering self while allowing L.A. Knight to get over with fans. Which is great for Knight, but that was never the point. This is Bray’s first match, and feud, since he returned at the end of Xtreme Rules back in August of last year (!). He’s made references to both Swampy Cult Leader Bray and Firefly Funhouse Bray, and mentioned the Fiend in a number of promos. The Uncle Howdy character is supposed to be unnerving but they’ve booked him all over the place - sometimes he’s Bray under a mask, but he’s also attacked Bray, but also helped him? I love Bray as a performer, and he’s an interesting dude, but it seems like he gets so deep into his own lore that sometimes he forgets to take the rest of us on the journey with him. Use that lantern to guide the rest of us buddy. 

I don’t know what a Mountain Dew Pitch Black match is but I absolutely intend to get a bottle of the stuff to try when this match starts. Worst case scenario, I end up streaming the rest of the show from the bathroom (or the ER) as the pitch blackness dissolves my innards. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!

Enjoy the Royal Rumble, my favorite show of the year! As I said, I’ll be back on Saturday if any matches are added before the show, and Sunday I’ll write up a recap of the event before the football starts. Have a great week, and take care of yourselves!