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It’s Tuesday morning, the sun has risen, the animals have been fed, and it’s time to write about Monday Night Raw. Not for you, dear reader. You just keep picking up what I’m putting down and we’re in business. I actually received approval to submit articles to a site that pays per thousand views, so I’ll definitely link to that if I get anything published. Remember, this is as much our journey as it is mine. And the faster we expand, the less likely I am to give up and return to the business that turned my shoulder into a sack of rancid crab meat and gravel.
Mrs. Pequeno loves that analogy.
Anyway, we got three hours of wrestling to cover and quite a lot of fallout from the decent Hell in a Cell show from Sunday! Let’s get to it!
We, obviously, started the show recapping the last match from Hell in a Cell, as Cody Rhodes dramatically defeated Seth Rolling despite his horrific injury. I’ve heard people say it probably doesn’t hurt that bad! It certainly looked bad and I wouldn’t work through it. I wouldn’t work through a sore shoulder either, so maybe I’m not the metric for toughness.
Cody entered the ring to a round of cheers and thank you chants. He thanked us for our nice tweets and said it was a privilege to perform. He didn’t want this injury to lead to sadness or melancholy. He wanted to show his little girl, when she’s old enough, that he was able to stand up and fight through the injury. He won’t let it demoralize him!
He told us he is done with Seth Rollins and wanted to talk about the Money in the Bank cases that hung above the ring. Cody believes that, in four weeks, he’ll be able to compete, and win that contract, and defeat Roman Reigns to become undisputed WWE champion.
That brought Seth out of the back and (slowly) into the ring. Seth told Cody he still doesn’t like him. After what Cody put himself through, though, he’s earned Seth’s respect. He told a nearly weeping Cody that Dusty is very proud of his baby boy. They shook hands and Rollins headed backstage.
Cody left the ring, smiling and shaking hands. He made it to the entrance stage when Rollins ran out with a sledge hammer, conking Rhodes in the back of the head. Seth proceeded to tear Cody’s shirt off and stomp on his injured shoulder/ pec/ body. Officials came out to circle and point, but didn’t accomplish much. A commercial break followed, but on our return Cody was still laid out. Rhodes refused a stretcher and walked himself back. We recapped the beating and moved on.
Opening Contest: Becky Lynch vs Dana Brooke
Becky started out by beating Dana up a bit, but they were quickly interrupted by the 24/7 squad running out from backstage. Tozawa ran into the ring, and Dana seized the opportunity by rolling him up for a pinfall victory and the title. Technically, that meant Lynch and Dana ended in a DQ, but Becky grabbed a microphone and insisted that she is the only one who would leave her title matches with a title from now on. She wanted Dana to defend the 24/7 championship, and threatened to smash the face of anyone who dared interfere.
I can’t star rate that, it’s barely a match!
Match #2 (technically): Becky Lynch vs Dana Brooke © for the 24/7 Championship
Hm, never thought I’d type that sentence. Anyways, Becky again took control early on, getting the champ on the ground and loudly congratulating her between kicks to the stomach. Asuka’s music hit, and the former champ headed toward the ring. Becky hit Brooke with a Becksploder, but got distracted, resulting in a Dana Brooke rollup for two. Brooke got some nice offense in, and went for a moonsault but missed. Becky followed up with a big boot, but Dana was able to eat that and counter with a suplex. Becky’s leg was held down by Asuka to prevent a kick out, and Dana successfully defended the 24/7 title she just won.
It was silly and dumb but at least Dana wasn’t made to look like a complete chump, and Becky and Asuka get some heat on their rivalry. Too short to rate, though.
A John Cena video played next, informing us that the Doctor of Thuganomics will be returning on June 27 to celebrate his twenty years in the business. And, per my friend Adam, to begin his SummerSlam rivalry with Theory.
The Miz and Maryse headed out for some MizTV. They love each other, but not in the sloppy Guevara/Conti kind of way so it’s fine. They also love Money in the Back, which Miz informed us he will win for a record breaking third time this year! Maryse then started to speak ill of Green Bay (GOOD) and Riddle came out for his interview. He politely introduced himself to Maryse, saying, “Bonjour! Omelet du fromage. Me llamo Riddle!” Perfect.
Riddle then gave a quick shoutout to Randy Orton, and said, “I hope you come back soon…unlike my stepdad.” Poor Riddle! Miz then ran down Orton, switching silly Riddle to serious, angry Riddle. Riddle then said he was tired of fighting Roman’s underlings (there’s your minimum one Reigns Reference per show) and wants to fight the Tribal Piece of Trash for the undisputed title.
That smoothly segued into Riddle saying there’s a reason Cena is playing Peacemaker while Miz is playing homemaker - Miz has tiny balls. The crowd chanted tiny balls, and Maryse defended Miz by saying he has perfectly adequate balls. Miz said that wasn’t enough, so she escalated to above average, huge, biggest in the world. Riddle yelled, “Prove it!’ and Maryse suggested Miz and Riddle have a match. Riddle accepted, Miz declined because he was in a tuxedo. Then Ciampa attacked Riddle from behind! Miz then accepted the match over a laid out Riddle and we went to commercial.
Match #3: Miz (w/Maryse) vs Riddle
Riddle had plenty of time to recover during the break. He attacked at the bell, quickly hitting a hanging DDT but barely missing a follow up RKO as Miz slid out of the ring. He jumped on the apron and Riddle tore his pants, I guess so we could see his tiny balls? Miz was able to grab Maryse’s purse, and commentary reminded us that Maryse keeps bricks in that thing. Miz went to attack Riddle, but that was a swing and a miss. Riddle hit the RKO and got the pinfall win.
Another short, kinda unrateable, match. This one did start a rivalry, so our 2K22 GM mode plans are going perfectly.
A short video recap of NXT 2.0 In Your House was next. I did not watch, did you? Any recommendations for matches to check out?
Match #4: Street Profits vs Usos, Championship Contenders Match
To be clear, Becky Lynch called out how stupid the premise of these matches are on this very show.
Dawkins went aggressive to start, knocking Jey off the apron and trying two surprise pins right off the bat. Things slowed significantly from there, as Ford was tagged in but the Usos responded to any offense by going outside the ring to regroup.
After the first commercial break, Byron literally said, “If the Street Profits can defeat the Usos, you gotta believe they will be next in line for a championship opportunity.” Yes, Byron, that is literally the premise of this match. This is what I listen to, every week, for YOU. I BEAR THIS BURDEN FOR YOU, DEAR READER!
Things picked up though, and the Usos took control before our second commercial break. Ford hit a frog splash - he got high enough to nearly headbutt the Money in the Bank cases. That only got two. It led to both Ford and Jey outside the ring, and Jey whipped Ford into the corner barricade. A missed followup boot sent Jey over the barricade, and Montez was alert enough to beat the ten count and get the victory for the Profits. Their prize? They get to fight the Usos for their undisputed titles. Because they are now contenders!
Three stars! Am I grading on a curve because this was the first legit match of the night? WHO’S TO SAY? These teams always put on a good show. I think the combination of the slow start and the pair of commercial interruptions kinda killed the flow, but it was still a good time.
We reviewed the tape and…yes, Cody Rhodes was indeed attacked at the beginning of tonight’s show.
Bobby Lashley was in the ring, and very pleased to be done with MVP and Olmos. Theory then interrupted him, claiming Lashley only won with help and asking why Bob was in HIS ring. After a bicep measuring contest (Bob is, once again, the bigger man) Bobby decided that he wants the United States Championship. Theory said Bob doesn’t deserve it, because while Lashley has defeated Brock Lesnar and Randy Orton, he’s never beaten Theory. Theory ran away to end the segment.
A video package and short promo reminded the audience and Veer does not like Dominik Mysterio and has murdered him in the past. Veer’s gonna crush Dom like a fly while Rey watches.
Match #5: Veer vs Dominik Mysterio (w/Rey)
This was actually pretty good for Veer and Dom! Veer looked to bust out some power, but Dominik was able to evade most of his attacks early on. Dominick, while not in control, did manage to hit some light offense before a pounce by Veer shut him down. Veer took over from there, tossing Dom in and out of the ring until a missed shoulder block in the corner. That left Veer vulnerable to a corner 619 by Dominick, sending Veer’s noggin into the ringpost. Mysterio went for a frog splash to finish, but Veer dodged and nearly decapitated Dom with a lariat. Veer prepped the Cervical Clutch, but a fearful Rey attacked Veer for the DQ finish. The Mysterios finished Veer off and left…heroically?
Three stars! This was good! It showed Dom growing against a much more powerful opponent. It kept Veer looking monstrous and strong. It allowed Rey to play the role of concerned dad, one that may end up biting him in the ass as his son’s skills develop. I dug it!
Hey, it’s the Judgment Day! The Cody Countdown was used this week to tease the induction of a new member of everybody’s favorite goth kids and their friend who graduated but still hangs out in the parking lot with them. Rhea told us that their message has spread, and control is an illusion. Priest said it’s Rhea’s destiny to win the Women’s Championship. Aww, this group is so supportive of one another!
Edge spoke next, first telling the fans to be quiet when an adult is talking. He praised the growth Rhea and Priest have experienced under his learning tree. He said someone else was hearing their message, and introduced the newest member of The Judgment Day…
FINN BALOR!
Finn headed out, all smiles. He shook Edge’s hand, and Edge told him he saw a change in Finn during their match last night. Finn thanked him, and said joining the faction, “wasn’t a choice, it was a calling.” Finn went on to praise Rhea and Priest some more, and he reached out to them after their match and discussed things.
Priest then told Edge he’s great, and it was easy to follow him on this journey. Edge taught them to get rid of any limitation holding them back (this is the part where Mrs. Pequeño called it) and they were ready to shed the last thing holding them back.
Priest then nailed Edge with a clothesline, and the mutiny was on! Ripley, Priest, and Balor stomped edge, then Damien hit a chokeslam and Finn followed with Coup de Gras. They continued the beating outside the ring, and Priest hit a fine looking Razor’s Edge onto the announce table. They tossed Edge back in the ring, grabbed chairs, and choked Edge with a broken piece of chair as Rhea held officials out of the ring with a chair. Priest finished things with a one man con-chair-to to end Edge and the segment.
Match #6: Olmos vs Cedric Alexander
Well, Cedric hit like two punches. Then the two handed chokeslam by Olmos killed Cedric dead. No rating, no stars, only a squish noise.
Afterward, Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode returned to meet Kevin Patrick on the little interview stage. They’re very excited to be back, and then were very interrupted by MVP, who berates the duo for interrupting Olmos’s victory celebration. A superkick shuts MVP up and the Dirty Dawgz hightailed it.
Match #7: Ezekiel vs Otis (w/Chad Gable)
Zeke is on fire out of the gate, hitting Otis with forearm after forearm. Otis got some shots in to slow things, but Ezekiel was back on offense in no time. He hit a quick series of strikes and a sharp looking knee, and the rollup pin ended things quickly.
Too short for stars, but the point was to get Ezekiel back on the winning side of things so…mission accomplished!
Ezekiel grabbed a microphone and called out Kevin Owens, requesting a rematch because he was just “too Zeked up” for their match at Hell in a Cell. Owens accepted…IF Ezekiel admitted he is Elias. Ezekiel says it, and Owens accepts the rematch. Zeke told Owens he actually used a page from the Kevin Owens playbook…HE LIED!
Bianca Belair headed out to watch the fatal four way main event, the winner of which will face her at Money in the Back. There’s something so wholesome about little white boys in Green Bay dancing to Belair’s entrance music. I love it!
Main Event: Doudrop (w/ Nikki A.S.H.) vs Alexa Bliss (w/Lily) vs Liv Morgan vs Rhea Ripley
I do not understand why Bianca is never given a microphone when she’s in this position. Is she not comfortable speaking during matches? Does Vince not trust her? We know she’s amazing in promos. I just don’t get it.
This was, unquestionably, the match of the night. The action was paced well and everyone involved looked great. I would suggest just watching the thing, and not just because I didn’t take great notes! The match started with the usual pairings of opponents while the other two women waited, but quickly evolved into a series of moves and tags and flow. The eventual winner of the match was Rhea Ripley, who hit Doudrop with Riptide for the pinfall win. She stared Bianca down to end the show as Finn and Damien joined her in the ring.
Four stars! A good main event and a good fatal four way! The pairings kept changing and kept me interested enough to get lax on the notes (sorry) and the finish, while I kinda expected it, was still good. Bianca and Ripley should be able to have a lot of fun building to their match at Money in the Bank, and I’m looking forward to all of it.
That was a shaky Raw, but the kind of shaky where they commit to starting new stories rather than putting on good matches. That being said, here’s our Five Good Things!
1- Cody’s passionate opening speech was great. The man exudes a love for the business, and his heart was on his sleeve for this one. I didn’t think they needed the Seth attack afterward, but I guess that will make Cody’s return sweeter whenever he recovers.
2- Riddle, Miz, and Maryse had some fun with their MizTV segment. You don’t often get a French lesson on your Monday Night Raw, so I approve
3- Street Profits and Usos was one of the better matches on the card tonight, if not one of their best. It was still fun, especially the last segment, so it’s worth a watch.
4- Finn Balor taking over THE Judgment Day was an interesting turn, and one I did not see coming! I was hoping he would be the addition to the squad, but having him run the show was a fascinating development. Here’s hoping this drives Edge to team with AJ and Liv, and Finn to go full DEMON for their next outing.
5- The main event was genuinely good and a fine fatal four way. Every woman looked good in that match, even Nikki and Lily, and the outcome was a fine setup to what should be a great match between Bianca Belair and Rhea Ripley.
I appreciate you stopping by, and would love it if you drop your thoughts in the comments section below. You can also follow me on Twitter @ElOsoPequeno, where I try to remember to post whenever I update the blog. I recap Raw, Dynamite, and Rampage weekly, and also write about anything else I happen to watch. There’s a weekly wrap up on Fridays, and I’ll do predictions before any big AEW or WWE pay per premium live events.
Have a Good One!
