Project Lucha Underground Season 1: Episode 3, plus some 'Mania Weekend thoughts

GCW/DDT

Good Morning!

Howdy! Welcome back to Project Lucha Underground Season 1. I had to take a little break there, what with a million wrestling shows last week, my wife’s road trip to Portland for Phish, and Triller+ dropping a free trial combining to take up all of my free time. And speaking of ‘Mania Week: I don’t know about you, but I got to watch some great stuff! 

A brief aside for ‘Mania Week!

I watched a lot of stuff last week, as I’m sure a lot of you did. And before we dive into episode three of Lucha Underground, I just wanted to mention a few of the matches I saw, in case you might have missed them. Before we dive in, I should point out that I’m in no way an authority on these performers, as I’m just dipping my toes into the worldwide scenes that so many people make a living talking about. But if you’re here reading this, you probably know what I’m about, and you’ll know that I went into all the shows I watched this week with an open mind, a blank notebook, and high hopes for everyone to put on some great matches in what’s probably the biggest event of their year!

DDT/GCW

DDT is a promotion I’m just getting into, in part because of its goofy nature and in part because my sweet Cinnabon son Konosuke Takeshita hails from there, and still participates in a lot of their shows. DDT put on a solo show on the 18th that featured Take versus MAO in the main event, and that was a really good match! Other highlights included Nick Wayne of AEW participating in a fun six-man tag match, and “Murder Grampa” Minoru Suzuki taking on a literal doll named Yoshihiko for a title. If you go into that match with the right (silly) mindset, you’ll have an absolute blast.

GCWxTJPWxDDT

The silliness continued for much of the DDTxTJPWxGCW card on the 19th, in a triple-promotion crossover show that included Yoshihiko in tag team action, Takeshita teaming up with ‘Mania week workhorse Masha Slamovich, and a tag team match involving mini superstar Microman teaming with the giant Yukio Naya against our second favorite murder cowboy 1 Called Manders and beloved pop princess turned murder aficionado Maki Itoh.

I caught the main event of Joey Janela’s Spring Break that featured the legendary Sabu, and it was definitely hard to watch. That being said, I’ve never been a big deathmatch guy, but I am old enough to have been the target audience for ECW in its heyday, and Sabu absolutely got the sendoff he deserved. 

I stayed up way too late to watch the Clusterf*ck show on the night of the 19th/morning of the 20th, and while it was a blast it had WAY too much dead time setting up and taking down a steel cage. Respect your audience, man. People are tired, drunk, and ready to head home! It was a fun show, as you’d expect from a Royal Rumble style match that included basically every performer that showed up in Vegas for the weekend. 

I had some trouble streaming Effy’s Big Gay Brunch, a staple of ‘Mania Week for years now, but I was able to find the lauded Kidd Bandit vs Zack Sabre Jr. match from the show. It was everything I read and more, a real credit to both Kidd Bandit’s growth as a performer coming back from a long injury, and to ZSJ’s ability to work with a talented partner in a match I don’t think a lot of people expected to be as good as it was. Great stuff, definitely one of the best of the week.

What else…what else…oh! Bloodsport! I watched this one tip to tail and it was decidedly not my stuff. I did appreciate what they tried to do on the show, and I enjoyed ZSJ vs Jonathan Gresham’s technical work a lot. I heard a lot of chatter after the fact about Natalya vs Miyu Yamashita, but I didn’t think that match really stood out above anything else on the card. To be fair, I’m not high on Nattie in general, so I may be biased.

I saw two awful matches on the WrestleCon show. Mickie James cut a weird promo on Dave Meltzer’s rating system and proceeded to kinda force a sing-off on a seemingly unsuspecting Maki Itoh? I felt really bad for Maki and cringed through this one, only to flip back to see Minoru Suzuki fight Butterbean for about a minute before turning it off. No thanks, this show!

I did not make time for the Deadlock Pro Wrestling show, and I’m regretting that now that my Triller trial has ended. Hopefully some of the matches pop up on YouTube soon; I’ve heard good things about both the Grizzled Young Veterans/Violence is Forever street fight and the lucha tag match that featured THE BEAST MORTOS and Rey Horus.

The Fourth Rope show, Heels Have Eyes, was another one I stayed up way too late to watch, but really enjoyed. Kazeem Famuyide from the Masked Man Show podcast was fantastic on commentary, and his booth with David Otunga and Ernest “The Cat” Miller was a blast to listen to. The card on this one wasn’t stellar and featured some, um, questionable performers, but it was still a decent time and I’m hoping promoter Westside Gun continues to improve and develop as a wrestling showrunner, because he seems like a cool guy who’s genuinely interested in pro wrestling.

Is that everything? Dragon Gate had a number of shows, but the one I caught, a cross-promotional show between Dragon Gate USA and Pro Wrestling Revolution, featured two great matches and a handful of good ones. The main event was a fantastic six man tag match, but the tag team title match featuring the Lucha Solos and Los Hermanos De La Jungla was probably my favorite match to come out of the weekend. Just dudes flying into the seats in a small venue, dangerous but never worrisome spots, incredible speed and athleticism…a great watch from start to finish. I didn’t think the Lucha Solos had it in them from a purely visual perspective, but they proved me VERY wrong!

Alright, I think that’s everything I can remember! Oh, and John Cena won a belt in a wet fart of a ‘Mania ender. At least night one ended with a flurry of wiener punches and some interesting story directions. The women’s triple threat between IYO SKY (best music in wrestling), Bianca Belair, and Rhea Ripley was by far the best match of that whole event, although these days the less we talk about the Fed the better. BUT I DIGRESS!

El Rey Network

Last Week On Lucha Underground

Johnny Mundo and Prince Puma got jumped by the new faction consisting of Cortez Castro, Mr. Cisco, and Big Ryck! Debuting monster Mil Muertes destroyed Blue Demon, Jr. in the main event, and then Chavo Guerrero was shamed into turning heel after his episode one loss to Blue Demon, Jr., attacking both Demon and Sexy Star at the end of episode two! Truly, the drama never ends in the Temple. Let’s go Underground!

*One last note: I’ve always read wrestling reviews written in present tense, but that feels really weird for a show that aired like a decade ago. So I’m going to try my best to keep these reviews/recaps in the past tense, and I’m sorry for any errors that slip through. Also, although this might not come through in my writing, I’ll hold off on checking Cagematch scores until after the episode is over, to keep myself from seeing spoilers and to keep my review numbers more honest. I’ll go back in during my edit and pop the scores in then.

El Rey Network

Lucha Underground: Season 1, Episode 3: “Cross the Border”

We returned to the temple to an empty ring and an excited crowd, but then we cut to Konnan peering through the blinds in Dario Cueto’s office. Konnan promised Cueto that he was bringing some big names to the arena: Fenix, Pentagon Jr., and Drago. Cueto liked it, but he wanted these three to face each other, and I’m inclined to agree! 

We then cut back to ringside, where Matt Striker and Vampiro updated us on Blue Dragon Jr.’s condition after the attack by Chavo Guerrero, Jr. the week prior. Melissa Santos then introduced Dario Cueto to the crowd, and he emerged from his office -- a thing I love about this show -- before grabbing the mic as a real big guy in a mask ran around the ring. Cueto introduced said guy as El Mariachi Loco while addressing complaints he’d heard about a lack of lucha libre on his lucha libre program. Cueto also promised that El Mariachi would play a song after he won his upcoming match, and then he left as Mariachi’s opponent arrived -- “mini” wrestler Mascarita Sagrada! 

Before we get into the match itself, we probably need to talk about minis. While little people have been involved in wrestling for almost as long as carnie wrestling has existed, the “mini-estrellas” of Lucha Libre are largely credited to one man. Antonio Peña came up with the idea for smaller versions of popular wrestlers while he was with Mexican wrestling promotion CMLL in the 1990s; hence, characters like Mascarita Sagrada and Octagoncito playing off of Mascara Sagrada and Octagon. When Peña left CMLL to create rival promotion AAA in 1993, that idea went with him, and since Lucha Underground is a AAA project, here we are. There’s a LOT of baggage and history to go through around this subject, and I’m sure more knowledgeable people have tried to parse through it. I’m not that guy, so we’re just gonna treat this as a wrestling match (to the best of our ability). Oh, also, AAA got bought up by WWE over WrestleMania weekend, so that’s a thing we’ll probably see some fallout for over the coming weeks. But I digress…

El Rey Network

Match 1

El Mariachi Loco vs Mascarita Sagrada

El Mariachi Loco started off by laughing at his competition, and after some taunting Loco ate a quick shining wizard from his opponent. Mascarita’s moves are lightning fast, and he turned the tables on his taller opponent pretty quickly! A couple rest holds after a dive by Sagrada led to Mariachi getting the upper hand to the boos of the crowd, with some backbreakers and slams to his opponent. A Jericho cocky pin led to a two count, and then Mariachi went up for a dive but Mascarita Sagrada rolled out of the way and absolutely planted Mariachi Loco with a tilt-a-whirl DDT. That led to a two count, and a second tilt-a-whirl ended with a choke that slowed the Mariachi down and got him on the mat. That led to a quick roll-up victory for Mascarita Sagrada!

I would go 4/10 for this just because it was more of an angle than a match, as we’ll soon see. It did establish that mini-estrellas aren’t going to be treated as a complete joke in the Temple, and El Mariachi Loco wrestled a simple heel match to put Mascarita Sagrada over. [Cagematch gave El Mariachi Loco vs Mascarita Sagrada a 5.14]

As I said, this match was all about the post-match angle, in which Chavo Guerrero, Jr. rushed into the ring and attacked a celebrating Mascarita Sagrada from behind. I didn’t mind the attack as a way to further cement Chavo’s heel turn, but Vampiro deciding to play “heel commentator” and celebrating Chavo “kicking that little guy in the head” seemed out of character. I mean, unless Vampiro’s character was just a dickhead, in which, well played.

After a break, we showed some of Chavo’s lowlights over the past two shows before we cut to a pre-taped sit-down interview between Vampiro and Chavo in the middle of the ring. Vampiro went right after Chavo, but not for the attacks -- he went after Chavo’s reputation for riding the coattails of his family. Chavo acknowledged the Guerrero name, but claimed that this would be his chance to strike out on his own apart from his family. Chavo said that Blue Demon Jr. was the one riding his dad’s coattails by inheriting his mask, and that the  Guerreros were known for taking people they didn’t like out, so we shouldn’t have been surprised by his actions. Chavo claimed Blue Demon Jr. was the big deal that El Rey Network wanted to draw viewers, while Chavo was an afterthought. (In hindsight, that seems a little funny to me, as American wrestling viewers at that time and even now would be more familiar with Eddie and Chavo than they would Blue Demon Jr.) Long story short, Chavo would put legends of the hospital to win a title in the Temple. So, you know, pretty standard post-turn heel promo.

El Rey Network

After the break, Konnan met Chavo in the extremely poorly lit hallways of the Temple. Chavo thinks they’re cool, Konnan thinks otherwise. La Raza in Mexico already knew what happened to Blue Demon Jr., and they would soon know what Chavo did to Mascarita. Konnan advised Chavo to disappear, and as he walked away, the already shitty lighting began to flicker, and Mil Muertes appeared in front of Guerrero. Just a jump scare, but Catrina was next to pop up after another light flicker. She told Chavo that he took something that belongs to Mil, and that someday “you two” will belong to Mil Muertes. She licked Chavo on the cheek, as is her wont, and that was that. 

El Rey Network

Ricky was already in the ring when we cut to his announcement, which is never a good sign for a wrestler. Mil Muertes got an incredibly dope backstory video narrated by Catrina, explaining that Mil was buried in the very real 9/19/85 earthquake that hit Mexico City. When he, a little guy at the time, emerged from the rubble, he brought death with him. The kid they got for this vignette was comically out of his acting depth, but I digress. Catrina held out the stone in the velvet cloth that she’s shown him before -- I think it was implied that the stone was one from the rubble he crawled out of. 

Match 2

Mil Muertes vs Ricky Mandel

Ricky actually got a little offense in, hitting a few lariats that made Mil shake his head, but Mil Muertes took over quickly with a spear and never looked back, dragging Mandel around the ring and slamming his head into the turnbuckles. Ricky tried to fight back but was clearly overwhelmed, and even a dropkick led to a little hope. That hope was quickly quashed when a top rope attempt got Ricky uppercutted in the mouth. Flatliner, pinfall, Mil Muertes wins. Catrina followed up with a lick to the corpse of Mandel, and a smooch to her partner/client/pal Mil Muertes.

 

El Rey Network

I mean, it was a squash. Meltzer doesn’t rate squashes, Cagematch doesn’t rate squashes. I, a brave wrestling blogger, will rate this squash a 7 for its effectiveness in showing Mil Muertes’ power. He took a bit of offense early which -- in the hands of a good booker -- could show that an early barrage by a faster opponent might give said opponent hope for a quick victory over Death himself. The Spear could have ended things, but dragging Ricky around showed Mil’s confidence and rage at allowing himself to be hit, and the Flatliner is a solid power finisher, although I could see a Tombstone being fun too. Anyways, yes, 7 star squash -- which is different from a 7 star match, for sure.

El Rey Network

A cut to the cinematic cam for some hallway waiting with Cortez and Sisco. They were guarding the door to Dario Cueto’s office until an absolutely shredded Johnny Mundo walked over. Some threats were made, Mundo replied with a superkick to one man and a full on beating to the other, eventually leading to Johnny tossing the goon through Cueto’s door. Johnny was surprisingly mellow after getting in, considering Cueto stiffed him on the briefcase o’ cash and sent his goon squad after Mundo. All Johnny wanted was to provide the violence Dario said he wanted, in a match with Big Ryck. Cueto said sure, you got it, main event. Johnny thanked him and on his way out said after Ryck, Cueto would be next. 

 

El Rey Network

More drama after the break, as we saw money exchanging hands. Cueto said he didn’t care how much it cost, but after next week Cueto wanted Mundo in the hospital. 

 

El Rey Network

After that, we saw another video package for Prince Puma that was pretty similar to the week prior, with Puma training while Konnan talked up Prince Puma’s ancestry. 

Main Event Triple Threat

Drago vs Pentagon, Jr. vs Fenix

Let’s get this out of the way first: I am a HUGE mark for Drago’s mask and gear. I don’t understand how it all works together -- there’s a jaw part that comes off, and then he’s got a long black tongue that flops around…the whole presentation is just cool as all hell. I mean, look at this:

 

El Rey Network

IT’S SO COOL! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!

Alright, anyways, this was Drago’s first match in Lucha Underground, as well as Pentagon, Jr. and Fenix! During their entrances down the “Walk Of Faith,” the main stairway from the locker room to the ring, Vampiro mentioned that visa clearances would allow the fans to see more of these three in the Temple, which is another kinda funny thing in hindsight considering Fenix’s visa issues during his time with All Elite Wrestling. These days, you can see Fenix wrestling as Rey Fenix on SmackDown, and Penta el Zero Miedo on Raw. 

 

El Rey Network

Apparently the WWE doesn’t own the Triple Threat name, or didn’t at the time, because Matt Striker called this match by that name. Or, it could just be Striker’s Fed showing, although he also called it a Three Way Dance in the ECW style. This match started at 100mph with dives, flips, and a gorgeous corkscrew drop from Fenix onto the other two wrestlers. From there, we got a lot of the “wrestling hole,” a term coined by my lovely wife. It basically means we lose wrestlers in a multi-person match to allow for one-on-one action while the spares recover, lost to space and time. Fortunately, these three absolutely had chemistry with one another, leading to some outright amazing spots that probably blew younger me’s mind when this aired for the first time. It was, however, a little sad to see Penta do the Zero Miedo hand signal to no chant along.

 

El Rey Network

Fenix got to be the first to do something insane with the unique Lucha Underground architecture, flying off the top of Dario Cueto’s office onto Pentagon Jr. and Drago. Penta and Fenix followed that spot with a package piledriver and brain buster, respectively, onto Drago, putting him out of the ring, and allowing Fenix to get a clean shot at Pentagon Jr. Fenix leapt up onto Pentagon’s shoulders, gave him some quick punches to the top of the noggin, and whipped him over with a poison ‘rana for the pinfall victory. 

Man, that was so good. Like, 8/10 good. The moves were flawless, the execution perfect, and the speed of the action was relentless. [Cagematch says 7.23 for this one.] It’s on YouTube, take some time out of your day to check it out:

 

After Fenix got to celebrate in the ring, we got one last cinematic to close out the show. Dario Cueto was pacing in nearly complete darkness, but it was still clear he was in a cell. Cueto sat on a stool, and as he played with a key hanging on a chain from his neck, he said that he wouldn’t be intimidated by anyone -- not Johnny Mundo, and “not even you.” As he said this, a large shadow moved to cover Cueto in darkness. THIS is why I love this show! The cheese, the hamminess, the fat you could trim to just make it a bland, normal wrestling show. All these metaphors are making me hungry. 

El Rey Network

Closing Thoughts

The first half of this show was dominated by Chavo Guerrero, with both of the matches being sorta connected to him -- the first by his attack on Mascarita Sagrada, and the second by his accused connection to Mil Muertes. I understand that, at the time, Chavo was probably one of the bigger names on the show, what with his WWE connection to American fans as well as his family and international experience. It just kinda sucked that the wrestling portion of our telenovela was so tied to one character, especially this soon in the series. But we established his newfound heeliness, and got some decent character development in the process. Chavo is probably the most interesting character on the show right now, aside from Dario Cueto, and I think he’s got more motivation than he’s letting on.

We know our main event for the next show will be Johnny Mundo versus Big Ryck. If I had to guess, I’d say that Cortez Castro and Mr. Cisco will probably get involved, with Prince Puma making the save based on Episode 2. This show featured what I can confidently say is the best match in Lucha Underground to this point, and I’m looking forward to seeing what they can do to match or surpass it. I’m into the Catrina stuff, liking the Chavo story, and think they’re doing well keeping guys like Prince Puma and Johnny Mundo on our radar. It’s hard to do, considering they only have like 45 minutes per show to work with!

I looked up Drago out of curiosity, as I think most of us are familiar with Fenix and Pentagon Jr. from AEW and now WWE. Turns out there are eight Dragos out there, including one that is now Dragon Lee on WWE. Actually, only two of the Dragos on Cagematch’s list have any matches on their profiles, so I guess they never transferred the character, which is a pretty common occurrence in lucha. 

The guy we’re looking for, the Lucha Underground Drago, still wrestles at 49 years old. He even teamed up with Aero Star and Gravity against the Gunns and Juice Robinson on AEW Collision back in September of 2023! He goes by Dios Del Inframundo now, which translates to “God of the Underworld.” So yeah, dude went from the coolest mask in Lucha Underground to, basically, Satan. Because that was the only lateral move available to him, and he didn’t want to regress. And in case you were worried that Drago’s mask game slipped as he transitioned into the literal ruler of Hell, here’s a recent pic from his Instagram:

 

Instagram

Dude’s still got it.

So Long For Now

Follow me on BlueSky for updates and live watch-along commentary for AEW Dynamite and Collision (occasionally). And, if you’re looking into purchasing anything from a smart fridge to a new drill, check out the tech writing I do over at SlashGear -- my lists are heavily researched, and ranked after thorough aggregation of expert opinions, reviews, and my own experience as a professional auto mechanic, an unprofessional handyman and a somehow even less professional homeowner. 

Until next time…Let’s Watch Some Wrestling!

It's the Let's Watch Some Wrestling Preview for Night Two of WrestleMania!

 

Good Morning!

A little less wordy for the intro this time around, as I’m trying to knock out some other posts as well. But when I noticed the first half of this preview was already nearing 4500 words, I figured it best to split the posts, both for your sake as a reader, and so the blog has a nice little reference point for each night, in case you need a quick refresh between shows. I’ll get the Stand and Deliver preview finished by tomorrow, as well as a short Casual Friday post to talk about Dynamite and the week in general. 

As I said in other posts, I want this blog to work for both newcomers and die-hard fans. So, we’re gonna try something a little different today, using my wife’s steadfast rules for why wrestling matches happen alongside some brief summaries of the rivalries and personalities involved in the fights this weekend. The rules, of course, are as follows:

1. I don’t like you and want to fight you

2. Something was misunderstood between us and we must fight, only to figure out later that we are friends

3. “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

4. I WANT THAT CUMMERBUND (title)

WrestleMania Night Two: Sunday

Seth “Freakin’” Rollins © versus Drew McIntyre for the World Heavyweight Championship

Who’s fighting?

We spoke a bit about Seth Rollins previously, but since this is his championship match I feel like we should dig a little deeper today. Seth has become kind of a third wheel on this WrestleMania card, which seems unfair considering he’s held the World Heavyweight Championship since its debut last year. However, it’s also kind of par for the course – after all, that championship was basically introduced because WWE didn’t want to take the title off of Roman Reigns, and they clearly didn’t want to separate the now-undisputed title either. So, we got a brand-new title and Seth has done his best to make it reputable, which he’s been largely successful at. An injury threatened to keep him out of WrestleMania, but his rehab went better than we could have hoped and he’ll be taking on Drew. 

Drew McIntyre has been a revelation of late. He’s leaned more and more into the heelish aspects of his character, but his initial turn was justifiable! He didn’t like that Jey Uso, a guy who participated in the screwing over of Drew in multiple championship matches, was being given a pass on Raw because Cody Rhodes was acting as kind of a sponsor for him. But he never apologized to Drew, and just kind of went about being a good guy – and the fans bought in! I’d be mad too, honestly.

Why are they fighting?

A few reasons. Drew won his championship during the pandemic, and has expressed a desire to win another in front of fans, a reasonable request. Drew also won the Elimination Chamber match to become the number one contender to Rollins’ championship, so it’s mostly Rule 4 we’re talking about here. But Drew and Seth have also become tangled in the Bloodline storyline, with Seth promising to help Cody, and Drew frequently accepts, or at least benefits from, Bloodline interference in his matches. We’ve also seen Drew and Paul Heyman, the Bloodline’s advocate/wise man/special counsel, chatting in weeks past.

*EDIT* I somehow, shockingly, forgot to mention that Drew's other nemesis, CM Punk, will be on commentary for this match. He's almost certainly gonna get involved, although I'm not sure how physical he can be. Maybe he's completely healed and this has all been a cunning ruse? Or maybe Punk will just talk smack about McIntyre for the whole match? Or, maybe Punk goes full Punk and spends twenty minutes just airing his grievances with current and former co-workers and workplaces -- WHO'S TO SAY?

Who’s gonna win?

I would love a Drew win, and I also can see him getting involved in the tag team main event on Night One, softening up Rollins while also doing some dirty work for Roman Reigns and The Rock. However, while I was researching this bit, I found that Drew’s last eight matches have been dark match losses against Cody Rhodes, with one Jey Uso match in early March breaking the trend. That could just mean the two aren’t involved in big rivalries that can be built at non-televised shows…or it could mean one of them won’t have a title after Sunday night, and a rivalry is warming up between the pair. Since I’m feeling the good vibes of the weekend, we’ll say Seth Rollins overcomes the odds here and defeats Drew. 

Of note here – Damian Priest still holds the Money in the Bank contract, and he might be feeling ready to strike out on his own if he and Finn Balor lose their Undisputed Tag Team Championship on Saturday. I wouldn’t rule out a cash-in on Drew OR Seth, just to add a little more excitement into the proceedings.

IYO SKY © versus Bayley for the Women’s Championship

Who’s fighting?

Bayley has recently become a de facto good guy in the grand scheme of things. She started her career as the good-est of good guys, coming out to bouncy theme music and being flanked by wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men as she headed to the ring. She turned against the fans a few years ago, and returned from injury at 2022’s SummerSlam to resume a rivalry with Bianca Belar alongside her new pals, IYO SKY and Dakota Kai, forming the stable Damage CTRL in the process. Bayley’s a solid technical wrestler, and has been involved in some of the greatest NXT matches of all time. She’s also the longest-reigning Smackdown Women’s champion, and this year became the Royal Rumble’s Iron Woman, lasting longer in that match than any other woman, ever.

IYO SKY is a high-flying performer, earning her the nickname “Genius of the Sky.” To be honest, it worked a little better when she went as Io Shirai back in NXT. Regardless, she’s an amazing in-ring talent, and WWE has been letting her show a little more personality by cutting promos in her native Japanese, and putting subtitles over them. I may not know what she’s saying, but you can feel the emotion when she says it, you know? 

Why are they fighting?

The rare 1-3-4 combo for this one! We spoke about Damage CTRL before, and it plays heavily in this match. Bayley and IYO have been frenemies since IYO won Money in the Bank last year by handcuffing Bayley to Becky Lynch. IYO used that case to win her Women’s Championship at SummerSlam, and Becky continued to support her stablemate despite the tension. Once Asuka and Kairi Sane joined Damage CTRL, Becky seemed to be the odd woman out, and when Becky revealed that she’d learned enough Japanese to know when her friends were talking smack about her, she decided to use her Royal Rumble victory to challenge IYO for her title.

Who’s gonna win?

Bayley deserves a big win on a big stage, and while IYO has been a good champ, it seems like a good time for a change. Am I predicting too many good guys to win? Probably. But I’m an optimist and a simple man, and I like when good overcomes bad at WrestleMania. And Bayley will have to overcome a lot to win this match – even though the other members of Damage CTRL have their own match on Saturday, they will likely show up in support of their champ for this fight.

The Pride (Bobby Lashley, Montez Ford, and Angelo Dawkins) versus The Final Testament (Carrion Cross, Akam, and Rezar) in a Six-Man Philadelphia Street Fight

Who’s fighting?

Bobby Lashley is a mountain of a man, the kind of guy one thinks of when they think of a pro wrestler from the 90s. Just a big ol’ slab of beef. Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins, collectively known as the Street Profits, are the tried-and-true combination of a bigger guy (Dawkins) and a charismatic flippy guy (Ford). Ford’s no little guy, though – a former Marine standing 6’1”, the Chicago native is lean and jacked, and has one of the highest leaps in wrestling. They’ll be accompanied by B-Fab, a young lady formerly of the faction Hit Row before they disbanded.

Carrion Cross leads The Final Testament, and he’s an intense guy with a deep love for his equally intense wife, Scarlett. He’s not Lashley big, but he’s a big dude nonetheless, and he’s got kind of a hardcore/heavy metal vibe going on. His buddies, Akam and Rezar, are giants – no-nonsense beasts who let their actions speak for them as they toss their victims around the ring. They are not, as my wife often mentions, the turtle and wolf from Ninja Turtles 2; they’re a tag team called the Authors of Pain. They’re managed by legendary manager Paul Ellering, who also works as a mouthpiece for the guys when Cross isn’t around. 

Why are they fighting?

They just don’t like each other – rule 1 all the way. I honestly don’t have a lot to add to that – the groups have been involved with each other for a few months, and they’re going to continue that rivalry at the biggest show on the calendar.

Who’s gonna win?

I guess we’ll have the bad guys – The Final Testament – pick up the win here, since we’ve been so good-guy heavy in our picks. There’s no real rhyme or reason for a match like this to have a clear winner, as they’ll probably continue fighting beyond Sunday, so look for some shenanigans to cost the good guys the fight.

Logan Paul © versus Kevin Owens versus Randy Orton in a Triple Threat Match for the United States Championship

Who’s fighting?

If this were the kind of organization that employed a bunch of diverse talents, I’d have somebody younger try to explain to both you and me why Logan Paul is so popular. As it stands, it’s an unpaid one-man operation, so I’ll try my best. He’s a YouTube guy who has made some really questionable life choices, but he also seems to have kinda moved away from that as he’s gotten a little older. What matters to us, the wrestling fans, is that he’s a natural in the ring. He’s tall and lanky, but has a really good grasp on the in-ring stuff, flying around and playing the heel role perfectly. He’s also our United States champ, having won the belt by using some brass knuckles on Rey Mysterio. 

Kevin Owens is a blue-collar everyman, a Canadian veteran of the ring, and one of the most likable people in wrestling. He and longtime friend, partner, and rival Sami Zayn won the Undisputed Tag Team Championships at last year’s ‘Mania, and he’s been a singles champ multiple times over. Lately, he’s been kind of an audience surrogate, calling out the tropes of pro wrestling while getting very close to breaking the fourth wall.

Randy Orton is a wrestler’s wrestler, tall, tanned, and jacked. Orton is a third-generation superstar, and has been in WWE for over twenty years, and in that time he’s established his finisher, the RKO, as one of the best in all of wrestling. He’s always been kind of a “tweener,” ready to turn on his friends at the drop of a hat.

Why are they fighting?

Rule 4 is the obvious pick here – Logan has a belt, neither Randy nor Kevin like him, and they want to relieve him of that responsibility. Orton and Owens have also been pretty buddy-buddy of late. Logan has repeatedly screwed Owens over, using the brass knuckles he deployed to win his US Championship to retain it as well.

Who’s gonna win?

We’ll keep the bad guys on a streak here, and give Logan Paul the win. I hate to get backstage-y, as I don’t really keep up with the rumors and scuttlebutt, but I think WWE likes what they have in Paul – a really famous guy outside of wrestling who brings fresh eyes to the product. Paul almost always brings his friends to WrestleMania, so he’ll have an advantage against Owens and Orton in that regard, and I’d also bet on Orton growing tired of being beloved and turning on KO.

LA Knight versus AJ Styles

Who’s fighting?

We’ll start with LA Knight. He’s been described as a mixture between The Rock and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin on the microphone, which is high praise for a guy who hasn’t been in WWE that long. He’s good in the ring, but his mic work is what’s really gotten him over with the fans, who just really like yelling “YEAUH” along with him – present company included. 

AJ Styles is kind of a journeyman pro wrestler – before joining the WWE at the 2016 Royal Rumble, Styles wrestled on the independent circuit as well as for WCW, NWA, TNA-Impact, and in Japan as well. He was named wrestler of the year multiple times in the 2010s, and also has the honor of being the Undertaker’s last opponent, losing to the Dead Man in a cinematic “Boneyard Match” during the pandemic-era WrestleMania 36.

Why are they fighting?

Some solid Rule 3 stuff here. AJ was going to team up with John Cena against the Bloodline earlier this year, but a backstage attack saw AJ out of that match, and LA Knight as his replacement. AJ was out for a good while, but returned at Elimination Chamber to interfere, attacking LA Knight. Knight would seek revenge ever since, attacking AJ on multiple occasions, including at Styles’ home last month. This is a blood feud thru and thru, and I’m honestly surprised it’s a straight-up singles match and not something more violent.

Who’s gonna win?

Some say WWE missed the boat on LA Knight, because he was WILDLY popular last year, but I think he’s still pretty dang over – just listen to the crowd when he’s talking on the mic. AJ is the kind of professional who doesn’t mind putting someone over, either. I think this is a good time to give Knight a big WrestleMania win, and if they want to keep this rivalry going WWE could always bring AJ Styles back together with his stable, the OC, that he kinda drifted away from after his most recent return to action.

Roman Reigns © versus Cody Rhodes for the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship

Who’s fighting?

You know by now! It’s Cody Rhodes, beloved superstar, haver-of-a-story, and possibly the most popular wrestler in the WWE right now (non-part-time division) fighting Roman Reigns, the Undisputed Universal Champion in both name and in legacy right now, a guy who just feels inevitable and undefeatable.

Why are they fighting?

While we could pepper in some old-fashioned disdain, this is all Rule 4. The phrase “finish the story” has kind of evolved from Cody looking to win the title that his father was never given a chance to truly hold, to Cody needing to win that title and defeat longtime rival Roman Reigns to validate his own story and his return to WWE. Cody was attacked by Bloodline guy and Reigns’ cousin Solo Sikoa to end his championship dreams last year, and Roman has gloated about it ever since. Cody’s been forced to take some side quests since then, engaging in rivalries with Brock Lesnar, the Miz, Shinsuke Nakamura, and members of the Judgment Day while also briefly teaming with Jey Uso. But after winning the Royal Rumble this year, Cody wanted his rematch, and despite The Rock inserting himself into the WrestleMania main event(s), first as a Cody replacement and then as a rival, Cody has been the majority of fans’ choice to dethrone the Tribal Chief.

Who’s gonna win?

I’ve seen a lot of theories about how this match goes down. I think it’s definitely going to be contested under Bloodline Rules, with Rock and Roman defeating Cody and Seth on Saturday. But what shenanigans will take place during the match? I’ve fantasy-booked everything from a straight-up singles match to a full-on Bloodline versus Cody-vengers lineup, with Cody calling in favors from legends like “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and John Cena. 

The theory behind those two is this image from a couple of Raws past, when Rock beat the everloving hell out of Rhodes in the rain in Chicago as the images of those two loomed behind them. Cena actually makes some sense here, as he’s battled the Bloodline over the last few years. Even without bringing in Legends, the idea of all the current wrestlers who have been screwed over by Roman and his family joining together to keep the fight fair would be a really cool WrestleMania moment.

At the end of the day, I think it does all come down to Roman and Cody. There will be interference, but the last big chunk of the match will be these two, overcoming all the distractions and outside attacks and just going at each other in a match-within-a-match. And that’s when Cody will finally finish his story, hopefully putting an end to both Roman’s reign and that phrase. I swear, if I never hear about another story it’ll be too soon.

…and that’s it!

What a packed weekend we’ve got! I’ll see you next week for the usual Casual Friday and Untitled Monday blog posts, with the Monday blog featuring a recap of WrestleMania, Stand and Deliver, and also Collision if I find the time to check that out too! Hell, if I’m feeling particularly saucy I’ll try to post some thoughts on Sunday morning, even, but I can’t make any guarantees. 

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